History lessons.

While looking for some old photos, found my last hand-written diary. Almost forgot that I kept one during University days. A quick flip brought back interesting memories and names from 10 years ago. Has it been that long? Wow.

Started reading through my self-absorbed ramblings and thoughts about people and situations; reliving dalliances and heartbreaks (not just mine, unfortunately). Wondered how much of it was just my delusional self re-writing history though. Heh.

It was an interesting exercise, looking back at my younger self in hindsight, but with the benefit of much thicker skin (comes with age) to take my past choices and indiscretions in perspective. Oh, how I used to cringe just recalling those days; reading my diaries back then only made me dreadfully self-conscious. But it never stopped me from writing. Heh.

The thing about recording your life on paper is that it's a physical record that doesn't fade with selective or the onset of failing memory. Heh.

Thought about the year past and the months ahead, of paths already taken and soon to be taken. Realised with a curious mix of amusement and frustration, how sometimes I still made the same choices even though I already know better. But last night, chose to detach, reflect and understand why I still did what I did. Made a mental note to spend more time contemplating my choices the next time, especially the 'bad' ones. And more importantly, these words that I've almost forgotten about, gave me another avenue of insight to understand what I was, what I am, and, what and how I can and will be.

Some day, I hope to be able to read my diaries from cover to cover. Without cringing.